The big day is coming up soon, and I have a feeling this may be one of the last 'classic Christmases" I'm going to have with my family.
I'm 30 now. My parents are getting older. My sister will soon have the 2.5 kids. It's weird. I've always been a kid at heart, so it's weird to see the focus moving from my sister and I to the next generation. I don't mean this in a selfish way, but it's a weird feeling.. Like I need to somehow start acting like a *real* adult lest the youngins think there is something wrong with me. I'm glad, though, that I still have at least another 'do-over' year. My niece is still too young to remember anything, so I can fuck up pretty large at this point and then just reset once she gets older.
So MW will be coming home with me for Christmas. This was a surprise but it does complicate things. We will need to bring the kitties with us, we need to rely on others for transportation. Because of this, we will only be arriving home at around 3pm on Christmas
eve. That seems, somehow, blasphemous. I love the last few days before Christmas at home. Running out with my mom for a last few gifts, teasing people about their gifts, last minute baking and fun. That won't really happen this year and I am a bit sad about that. But for that, I get to spend Christmas with most of my family, which is great.
I'll also be traveling, with my mother, to welcome baby 2 into the world. That, my friends, will be interesting. Nearly two weeks with a toddler and a newborn. Great vacation, I dare say. I'm hoping to really get in some good bonding time with baby 1 so she'll at least have some sort of subconscious recognition when I flit in and out of her life in the next few years. I figure buying her lots of gifts will do that, right? Right?
Some insight into my life and psyche:
Mise en Scène: Yesterday afternoon. I'm at work. I receive a phone call from MW.MW: What's up?
Me: Nothing.
MW: Sooooo....
Me: Yesssss....?
MW: So I've been thinking about things, and I think we should so something.
Me: Do what?
MW: Something...
Me: Listen, I'm working here, so if you could just spit it out....
MW: It's something we could do together, and I think it would would both like it.
Me: Oh yeah?
MW: Well, I'd enjoy myself, anyway.
Me: And that's what's most important, clearly.
MW: I think it's better if I show you....
Me: Okay... so.... I'll see you tonight?
And so, in the back of my brain, I thought about what this could possibly be. Dancing lessons? Volunteering at the soup kitchen? Bowling league? Adopting a foreign kid?
I continued to think about what this could be all afternoon. I made my way to catch my bus and meet up with MW, when it finally came to me.
Swingers club.
It fit. We have been settling into our domestic partnership a bit and I don't mind saying we've leveled off a bit. And it's definitely something MW would enjoy, quite possibly more than I would.
This was it. My mind swirled. How do I respond? What will my arguments be? How do I feel about this?
We met up, and got onto the bus, sitting in the back seats. Screwing my courage, I finally say
"So, what is it you wanted to show me?"
"Well, I'll show you at home."
We wait a few moments. At this point, a snow storm is raging outside and the bus is crawling along. I'm getting antsy.
"Can I have a hint?"
"Welllll, it's something we can do together, maybe after Christmas. It might be a good change."
(ohgodohgodohgodohgod)
"And maybe my mother can help us."
(Wait, what?)
.......
"Huh?"
Eventually, MW takes his laptop out of his bag and boots it up. He goes into his My Pictures folder and shows me.....
Something like this.
"What is this?"
His face lights up and he begins to show me several more pictures of very bright, modern rooms. He talks about painting the walls, building coffee tables, and making art.
I smile while he talks, and take his hand.
"What?," he says.
"I thought you were going to suggest...something else."
Knowing me as he does, he says, "does it involve... that other thing we do sometimes?"
"Yes, but I will never tell you what it is."
"My mother wouldn't be able to help us with that."
"Indeed."
And so we rode along through the bluster, talking about paint chips and colour schemes, stripes and curtains... until we bundle up and enter the storm, together.
While searching my email for something completely unrelated, I found some old emails from 2004. I copied and pasted all the comments from that time as, if memory serves me, Blogger was switching to a new comment system. I wanted to save all the comments, as y'all are some funny bitches.
So, I found
this list, from October, 2004. It is woefully out of date. Some of them are accomplished, and some of them.. some of them I can't even conceive why I would have wanted to do them to begin with. I think the lead paint and arsenic in the water in SH made me high. Or living alone with a cat could have also done it.
And so....
Twenty Things I Want to do Before I Die
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
In no particular order.....
1) Meet Sue Johanson and/or Betty Dodson. I have spoken to SJ on the phone, and have seen her in person 2 or 3 times. Now that I'm older I see that Betty Dodson is probably more my type. These ladies are both getting on in years (and I'm still willing to bet that SJ is starting to get a wee senile), so I don't think this will happen. And I'm okay with that.
2) See David Cooperfield live. Done! Very recently. I'm very glad I did it, but it was a very weak show. He had a good run, though.
3) Open a PP affiliate, or my own sex store (a la Venus Envy or Good Vibrations). As the PP here closed due to lack of funding, I feel like I could re-open the idea of having an affiliate here, especially with it's new name and mandate. It could happen. As far as a store... it would be fun, but let's not kid ourselves. I have no business sense.
4) Take a cross-country trip via train (not necessarily Canada). I once traveled on the train to Ottawa to surprise my sister. I sprung for a compartment and it was definitely worth the money. I think I would still like to do a longer trip, through the Rockies, someday.
5) Stay in a hotel room with a hot tub in it. This hasn't happened yet, but I did stay in a hotel that had a large soaker tub near the bed. As it turns out, the tub was too long for me and I kept slipping and nearly drowning. But it was still nice to be able to sit in a tub of water and watch American Idol.
6) Learn sign language. Not yet, but I'd still like to. The only thing preventing me accomplishing this is that I have no use for it to rationalize the expense of taking classes.
7) Earn another degree. Meh. I don't know. Do I have to? If I did, would I get any further in my degree? Is it worth the money? The idea is intriguing, but I haven't sold myself on it yet.
8) Learn how to wiggle my nose - I had a friend fron university who could do it, like a bunny, and it was gosh darn cute. This probably won't happen. I need to move on.
9) Have my own house. Hooray! Granted, it's not *my* house as I share it with MW. Or, more accurately, it's the bank's house. But for most intents and purposes, I can say it's my house.
10) Learn flower arranging. WTF? Really? Why? I've taken up painting lately, and I feel this is a good substitution.
11) Wear false eyelashes. Yes, I have done this (perhaps to a wedding?) and would like to do it again without feeling subconscious.
12) Learn one (or more) of the following dance styles: Samba, Belly, and Habanera. WTF again? I can't dance. And I don't want to dance. And I'll be fuckered if I'd subject anyone to my naked belly jiggling around. And isn't Habanera a pepper? What was I smoking?
13) Write a book. I've blogged for 9 bloody years. Isn't that enough? These days, I feel lucky enough to even *read* a book.
14) Get tied up. Though I can't remember any specifics, I feel like this has probably happened over the last 6 years.
15) Earn over 30k/year. Hooray! Accomplished! I'm a little sad that 5 years ago, this was an actual goal of mine. But I'm glad I've accomplished it.
16) Accomplish all the positions in the New Joy of Sex. Definitely still working on that one (but I think I'll have to crack it open - the book, pervs - for a refresher)
17) Give birth. What. The. HELL. Perhaps I meant "give birth, and then hand it over to the nice couple who paid me millions to bear them a child". I don't think this really meant "have a baby".
18) Pay off my student loans (see #15). AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah, still a good 20 years away from that, I think.
19) Have a G-spot orgasm, if possible (a.k.a. "squirt"). I don't mind telling you all that I've tried, in earnest, to make this happen. I've tried many, many, many times. But nothing. Nadda. Not even a drop. Now, that isn't to say that I haven't had g-spot orgasms, but I think when it comes down to it, some ladies are squirters, and some ain't. And one of those ladies, I ain't.
20) Learn to roll my 'r's. I feel like my previous argument also applies here. It just ain't gonna happen.
Today, MW and I celebrate our sixth anniversary.
Six.
Past five, on our way to TEN.
I did not blog on last year's anniversary, but I did pen a clever entry on
Year Four.
Four years ago tonight, Mr. Wonderful and I met on a bridge on a cold December evening. I never would have guessed I'd have been sitting here this far in the future talking about what a great time we've had so far. I can't say it's always been easy, or fun, or even wonderful. But at the end of the day, we've always been there for each other, in our own silly ways.
And so now, six years after that fateful meeting, I can only echo what I said two years ago. We have had a great time. I can also so that it hasn't always been easy - moreso this year than any other I suspect.
But despite it all, it always goes unsaid that failure isn't an option. Even when things are at their darkest, I know that on the other side of that slammed door is a hug, a joke, or a fart. And sometimes a fart is all you need to fix a fight.
Two years ago, when I first wrote that entry, I don't think I knew even then that we would soon buy a house together and establish ourselves as an actually family. We have not changed in terms of how we relate to each other, but it feels now that there is a bit of an anchor holding us down when we feel like we are drifting. As two very independent people, having that weight is not necessarily a bad thing. We may leave, we may stretch out, but we always return home.
